So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
