so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
