Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
