I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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