I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
