Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
