ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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