i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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