So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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