the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
