Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
True college students do jello shots in the library
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
