Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
