I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
