You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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