you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
