I want you more than these girls want KFC
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
