I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I supernannyed him into submission
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
