I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
