woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
