It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
