he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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