I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
