just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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