totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
