I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
