It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
