Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
