you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
honey bunches of taint.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
