Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Do you still have your period?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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