And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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