I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
