for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
