I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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