Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
