this beer tastes like vomit already
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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