he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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