it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
