While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
