i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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