Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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