Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
