If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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