I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
