So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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