Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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