Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
