This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
