Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
