I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
