A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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