He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
