i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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